⚠️ Trigger Warning
This post talks about anxiety, panic, and intrusive thoughts.
⚠️ Disclaimer
I’m not a doctor. This is just my real experience.
I don’t think people understand how loud anxiety can get.
Not just “I’m worried” loud.
I mean loud like…
You can’t even sit still in your own body without feeling like something is wrong.
It’s the kind of loud where:
You feel something small in your chest… and your mind goes somewhere extreme.
Your head aches… and now you’re questioning everything.
Your heart beats a little faster… and suddenly you’re hyper-aware of every breath, every sensation, every movement.
And the crazy part?
On the outside… nothing is happening.
You can be sitting there. Quiet. Normal.
And inside your mind, it feels like something is about to go very, very wrong.
I’ve had moments where I’m literally just existing…
…and my brain interrupts like:
“What if this is it?”
Not tomorrow.
Not someday.
But right now.
And once that thought hits?
It’s hard to un-hear it.
Because then your body starts reacting.
Your chest feels weird.
Your arms feel off.
Your head feels heavy or tight or just… different.
And now you’re stuck in this loop where:
Your mind is watching your body
and your body is reacting to your mind.
And it just keeps feeding itself.
I hate that part.
I hate how convincing it feels.
Because even when you know it’s anxiety…
your body doesn’t always believe you.
There are days I sit there and think:
“How am I this scared… of my own body?”
And then there’s the exhaustion.
The kind people don’t see.
Because fighting your thoughts all day?
Trying to stay calm all day?
Checking yourself, calming yourself, distracting yourself…
That is tiring.
Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
And life doesn’t stop while you’re dealing with it.
You still have to work.
Take care of your kids.
Answer people.
Show up.
Even when your mind is doing the absolute most.
Some days I handle it better than others.
Some days I can talk myself down.
Some days I can breathe through it and move on.
And some days?
I just sit there… uncomfortable in my own skin… waiting for it to pass.
I think the hardest part is not trusting your own body.
Not feeling safe inside yourself.
That’s something I’m still working through.
But here’s what I will say.
Even with all of this…
Even with the fear.
The thoughts.
The moments where I feel like I’m losing control…
I’m still here.
Every time I thought something was seriously wrong…
I was still here.
Every panic moment that felt like “this is it”…
passed.
And I don’t say that like everything is magically better.
Because it’s not.
But it does remind me of something important:
My mind is loud.
But it’s not always right.
And maybe that’s where this starts.
Not fixing everything.
Not forcing myself to be fearless.
But slowly learning:
I don’t have to believe every thought my mind throws at me.
If you’re dealing with this too…
I know how real it feels.
I know how scary it feels.
And I know how exhausting it gets.
But you’re still here too.
And that counts for something.
Even on the hard days.
– Anxiety Momster 💜