Anxiety Momster

Surviving Anxiety One Breath, One Breakdown, One Blog at a Time”

Tag: support

  • How to Support a Loved One Dealing with Anxiety

    How to Support a Loved One Dealing with Anxiety

    Trigger Warning: Anxiety, Panic Symptoms

    Disclaimer: This blog is based on personal experience and is not medical advice.

    Living with anxiety is hard enough…
    but trying to explain it to other people?
    That’s a whole different battle.

    If you’re someone who loves a person dealing with anxiety whether it’s a partner, child, friend, or family member this is your guide.
    Not the cute Pinterest version.
    Not the “just breathe and drink tea” version.
    The REAL version from someone who actually lives it every day.

    And trust me… your support makes more of a difference than you think.

    1. Don’t tell them to “calm down” stay with them instead

    I know people mean well.
    But when someone with anxiety hears “just calm down,” it feels like:

    • you don’t understand
    • you’re annoyed
    • or you think we’re dramatic

    We’re not choosing panic.
    Our brain is literally glitching like a smoke detector going off with no fire in sight.

    What helps?
    Presence.
    Softness.
    A voice that doesn’t rush us.

    Something like:
    “I’m here. You’re safe. We’ll ride this out together.”

    That hits different.

    2. Learn what THEIR anxiety looks like

    Everyone’s anxiety shows up differently.

    Some people shake.
    Some feel sick.
    Some go silent.
    Some feel like they’re floating.
    Some get chest jumps (hello, me).
    Some feel tingles or pressure or heat.

    If you love someone with anxiety, pay attention to THEIR patterns.

    It shows us:
    “You’re paying attention. You care. You’re not minimizing what I feel.”

    That alone calms anxiety more than you know.

    3. Ask what they need don’t assume

    Assuming actually makes things worse.

    Sometimes we need space.
    Sometimes we need a hug.
    Sometimes we need someone to sit with us quietly so our mind stops spiraling.
    Sometimes we need water or grounding.
    Sometimes we need you to just be there.

    The magic sentence is:
    “What do you need right now?”

    That question is grounding all by itself.

    4. Never take their anxiety personal

    When someone with anxiety:

    • pulls back
    • shuts down
    • gets quiet
    • gets irritable
    • gets stuck in their head

    …it is NOT about you.

    It’s about the war happening inside their mind.

    We don’t withdraw because we don’t love you.
    We withdraw because we’re trying not to drown.

    You staying steady and not taking it personally means EVERYTHING.

    5. Create a safe environment

    Support isn’t always loud or dramatic.
    Sometimes it looks like:

    • dimming the lights
    • turning down the TV
    • putting a blanket on them
    • getting them water
    • rubbing their back
    • sitting close
    • giving them space without abandoning them
    • turning off overstimulating noise
    • checking in with a soft voice

    A safe environment is one of the strongest anti-anxiety tools we have.

    6. Don’t pressure them to “snap out of it”

    Listen…
    if snapping out of it worked, I PROMISE we would’ve snapped ourselves right back to normal life 10 years ago.

    People with anxiety aren’t weak.
    They’re exhausted from fighting invisible battles every day.

    Give them grace.
    Give them patience.
    Give them understanding.

    7. Celebrate the small wins with them

    Panic brains love to downplay progress.

    So when your loved one:

    • gets out of bed
    • goes to work
    • runs errands
    • faces a fear
    • goes to the store
    • sits through a flare without leaving
    • says, “I survived another attack today”

    CHEER THEM ON.

    Tell them they did amazing.
    Tell them you see their effort.

    Because anxiety makes us feel like failures
    Your voice reminds us we’re not.

    8. Be consistent even when anxiety is ugly

    Anxiety is messy.
    Sometimes all over the place.
    Sometimes irrational.
    Sometimes draining.

    What we need most?

    Consistency.

    People who DON’T disappear when things get tough.
    People who don’t call us dramatic.
    People who don’t treat our symptoms like a personality flaw.

    People who stay.

    That’s support.

    Love is louder than anxiety

    Supporting someone with anxiety isn’t about fixing them.
    It’s about making sure they never face their fear alone.

    The truth?
    We don’t need perfection.
    We just need patience and presence.

    A soft place to land.
    A steady hand to hold.
    Someone who sees the person underneath the panic.

    And if you’re that person for someone —
    You’re a blessing they’ll never forget.

    I am so thankful for my husband, mom, and kids.

    We will get through this!

    Want more? Sign up for my newsletter.

  • Supporting Loved Ones with Anxiety: What to Say and Avoid

    Supporting Loved Ones with Anxiety: What to Say and Avoid

    A Guide for Family and Friends Who Want to Support Without Hurting

    If you love someone who struggles with anxiety — whether it’s your child, partner, sibling, friend, or coworker — I want to thank you for even clicking on this post. That means you care. And caring is the first step.

    But support isn’t always easy, especially if you don’t fully understand what anxiety feels like from the inside. Sometimes, even well-meaning words can hurt.

    So let’s break it down — here’s what not to say, and what you can say instead.

    ❌ What Not to Say to Someone with Anxiety

    These phrases may come from a good place, but they often do more harm than good:

    “Just calm down.”

    If we could, we would. Anxiety isn’t a choice. It’s a physiological and emotional reaction we can’t just shut off like a light switch.

    “It’s all in your head.”

    This one stings. Yes, anxiety starts in the brain, but the symptoms are real. Chest tightness, racing heart, nausea, dizziness — it’s not imaginary.

    “You’re overreacting.”

    This phrase invalidates what the person is feeling. What seems small to you feels huge to us in the moment. It’s not about logic — it’s about panic and fear taking over.

    “You need to stop thinking so much.”

    Easier said than done. People with anxiety often can’t control the flood of thoughts. It’s not about overthinking — it’s about being stuck in survival mode.

    “Other people have it worse.”

    Comparison helps no one. Pain is pain. Dismissing someone’s struggle because others are struggling more doesn’t make anyone feel better — it makes them feel guilty on top of anxious.

    ✅ What You Can Say That Helps

    “I’m here for you. What do you need right now?”

    This is gold. It centers the person and gives them space to ask for what would help most in the moment — even if it’s just silence or sitting with them.

    “I know this feels scary, but you’re safe right now.”

    Reassurance is powerful — without dismissing the feeling. This tells us we’re not crazy for feeling scared, but gently reminds us we’re not in danger.

    “Let’s breathe together.”

    Sometimes, we just need someone to guide us through it. Matching breathing is one of the most supportive things you can do.

    “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

    Remind them that you’re in their corner — that they’re not a burden, and that their anxiety doesn’t push you away.

    💜 How to Be a Supportive Ally to Someone With Anxiety

    • Learn their triggers and ask how to avoid them.
    • Offer calm, not solutions. We don’t always want advice — we want presence.
    • Check in regularly, not just when we’re panicking.
    • Don’t make it about you. (Ex: “I don’t know what to do when you’re like this.” Instead, say: “I want to understand.”)
    • Normalize mental health conversations in everyday life.

    🙏 Final Thought: Show Up, Even When It’s Uncomfortable

    Supporting someone with anxiety isn’t about fixing them.
    It’s about sitting beside them while they feel broken — and reminding them they’re not.

    Your words have power.
    Your presence is healing.
    And sometimes, the most helpful thing you can say is simply:

    “You’re not alone. I’m here.”

    — Shanice, Anxiety Momster

    💜 Want to Help a Loved One Even More?

    Grab my free Peace Over Panic Journal + Anxiety Tracker — it’s the perfect gift to share with someone who’s struggling.

    👉 Download it here
    Includes guided check-ins, breathing logs, coping tools, and space to reflect — whether you’re the one experiencing anxiety or someone supporting them.

  • How I Knew It Was Time to Seek Support for My Mental Health

    How I Knew It Was Time to Seek Support for My Mental Health

    ⚠️ Trigger Warning: This post discusses mental health, emotional overwhelm, and the experience of asking for help.
    📌 Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. This is a personal story based on my lived experience. If you’re struggling, please speak with a licensed professional or reach out for support.

    I didn’t wake up that morning planning to fall apart.

    I was just trying to get through the day — like always.
    Kids to care for. Work to do. My mind racing while my body screamed “slow down.”
    I felt like I was drowning in everything, but I still kept pushing. Because that’s what I do.

    Until I couldn’t anymore.

    I sat on the edge of the bed, frozen.
    My heart was pounding. My chest was tight. My thoughts were spiraling.
    And for the first time, I said out loud:

    “I can’t do this alone anymore.”

    That was the moment everything shifted.
    That was the day I realized I needed help.

    Not just a nap or a reset.
    Real help. Real support. Real space to not always be the strong one.

    For so long, I convinced myself that asking for help meant I was weak.
    That I wasn’t doing enough. That I was failing — as a mom, a wife, a woman.

    But the truth is:
    Asking for help was the bravest damn thing I’ve ever done.

    It was messy.
    Filling out therapy intake forms made me cry.
    Saying “I need support” out loud felt like ripping open a wound.
    But I did it anyway. And I’m proud I did.

    If you’ve ever struggled to open up about your anxiety, especially around your kids, I shared more about how we approach that in our home here:
    👉 Breaking the Stigma: How I Talk to My Kids About Anxiety and Panic Attacks

    It’s not just about me anymore.
    My kids see me learning how to cope. They see me reaching for calm instead of collapsing.
    And that matters.

    Since asking for help, I’ve learned how to:

    • Recognize my triggers
    • Talk about what I’m feeling without shame
    • Take breaks before I break
    • Breathe before I spiral

    And no — I’m not healed. But I’m healing.
    That’s a big difference.

    If you’re reading this wondering if you need help too, let me say this clearly:

    You don’t have to hit rock bottom to ask for support.
    You just have to be honest with yourself.

    Whether it’s therapy, medication, journaling, community, or just admitting “I’m not okay” — help is out there. And you deserve it.

    The day I asked for help was the day I started becoming myself again.

    — Shanice, Anxiety Momster

    If this post helped you, please share it, leave a comment, subscribe, or just send it to someone who needs to hear it today. You never know who’s silently struggling.

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