A Guide for Family and Friends Who Want to Support Without Hurting
If you love someone who struggles with anxiety — whether it’s your child, partner, sibling, friend, or coworker — I want to thank you for even clicking on this post. That means you care. And caring is the first step.
But support isn’t always easy, especially if you don’t fully understand what anxiety feels like from the inside. Sometimes, even well-meaning words can hurt.
So let’s break it down — here’s what not to say, and what you can say instead.
❌ What Not to Say to Someone with Anxiety
These phrases may come from a good place, but they often do more harm than good:
“Just calm down.”
If we could, we would. Anxiety isn’t a choice. It’s a physiological and emotional reaction we can’t just shut off like a light switch.
“It’s all in your head.”
This one stings. Yes, anxiety starts in the brain, but the symptoms are real. Chest tightness, racing heart, nausea, dizziness — it’s not imaginary.
“You’re overreacting.”
This phrase invalidates what the person is feeling. What seems small to you feels huge to us in the moment. It’s not about logic — it’s about panic and fear taking over.
“You need to stop thinking so much.”
Easier said than done. People with anxiety often can’t control the flood of thoughts. It’s not about overthinking — it’s about being stuck in survival mode.
“Other people have it worse.”
Comparison helps no one. Pain is pain. Dismissing someone’s struggle because others are struggling more doesn’t make anyone feel better — it makes them feel guilty on top of anxious.
✅ What You Can Say That Helps
“I’m here for you. What do you need right now?”
This is gold. It centers the person and gives them space to ask for what would help most in the moment — even if it’s just silence or sitting with them.
“I know this feels scary, but you’re safe right now.”
Reassurance is powerful — without dismissing the feeling. This tells us we’re not crazy for feeling scared, but gently reminds us we’re not in danger.
“Let’s breathe together.”
Sometimes, we just need someone to guide us through it. Matching breathing is one of the most supportive things you can do.
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Remind them that you’re in their corner — that they’re not a burden, and that their anxiety doesn’t push you away.
💜 How to Be a Supportive Ally to Someone With Anxiety
- Learn their triggers and ask how to avoid them.
- Offer calm, not solutions. We don’t always want advice — we want presence.
- Check in regularly, not just when we’re panicking.
- Don’t make it about you. (Ex: “I don’t know what to do when you’re like this.” Instead, say: “I want to understand.”)
- Normalize mental health conversations in everyday life.
🙏 Final Thought: Show Up, Even When It’s Uncomfortable
Supporting someone with anxiety isn’t about fixing them.
It’s about sitting beside them while they feel broken — and reminding them they’re not.
Your words have power.
Your presence is healing.
And sometimes, the most helpful thing you can say is simply:
“You’re not alone. I’m here.”
— Shanice, Anxiety Momster
💜 Want to Help a Loved One Even More?
Grab my free Peace Over Panic Journal + Anxiety Tracker — it’s the perfect gift to share with someone who’s struggling.
👉 Download it here
Includes guided check-ins, breathing logs, coping tools, and space to reflect — whether you’re the one experiencing anxiety or someone supporting them.
