Anxiety Momster

Surviving Anxiety One Breath, One Breakdown, One Blog at a Time”

Category: Health Anxiety

  • Everyday Exposure: What It Takes Just to Function with Anxiety

    Everyday Exposure: What It Takes Just to Function with Anxiety

    Trigger Warning: This post discusses panic attacks, agoraphobia, and exposure struggles.
    Disclaimer: This is based on personal experience. It is not medical advice.

    You’d be surprised what counts as “brave” when you live with anxiety.
    For some people, exposure therapy means skydiving or confronting trauma.

    For me?
    It’s stepping outside.
    It’s getting in the shower.
    It’s riding in a car.
    It’s sitting in a waiting room.

    These aren’t simple daily tasks — they’re triggers. And I face them over and over again just to live.

    🚿 Showers Aren’t Simple

    Most people shower to feel refreshed.
    Me? I sometimes panic in the water.
    Something about the echo, the steam, the stillness — it turns into a trap for my thoughts.

    So my husband showers with me.
    Not because I can’t shower alone… but because it makes me feel safer.
    Because being alone with my body and my breath can send me spiraling.

    🚗 Driving Isn’t Freedom — It’s Fear

    I don’t drive.
    I panic if I’m in a car alone.
    Not because I don’t know how — but because anxiety convinces me I won’t make it.

    My husband drives me everywhere.
    To appointments. To stores. Even just to get food.
    He goes into the buildings with me. Waits in the car if needed.
    Because I still haven’t fully learned how to face the outside world alone.

    Not yet.

    🧠 This Is Exposure Therapy — Just My Version

    I’m not doing grand public speaking events or therapy role-plays.
    I’m trying to go outside without shaking.
    To ride in the car without checking my pulse.
    To exist in the world even when everything inside says “danger.”

    So I prepare.

    • I bring water
    • I bring a calming object or oil
    • I wear soft clothes
    • I breathe slowly
    • I keep my husband nearby
    • I repeat: “I’m safe. This is just a feeling.”

    💜 What I’m Working Toward

    I want independence.
    I want to go to appointments without a shadow.
    I want to feel safe in the world again.

    But right now?
    The fact that I still try every day — even in small ways — means something.

    • If I ride with him and not alone? Still brave.
    • If I leave the house at all? Still healing.
    • If I panic but keep going? Still winning.

    🖤 If This Is You Too…

    Please know: You are not weak.
    You are not lazy.
    You are not “too dependent.”

    You are surviving something most people wouldn’t understand.
    And you’re doing it one breath, one ride, one shower at a time.

  • My Smartwatch Fed My Anxiety More Than It Helped

    My Smartwatch Fed My Anxiety More Than It Helped

    My Truth About BP Monitors, Pulse Ox, and Data Overload

    Let me say this first:
    Smart tech is amazing.
    It gives us power, access, data, and awareness we never had before.
    But if you live with anxiety — especially health anxiety — it can also become a trap.

    I’ve worn the smartwatches.
    Used the pulse ox.
    Tracked my blood pressure at home.
    Monitored sleep, steps, stress levels, glucose spikes, and heart rate dips.

    And while all of that can be helpful… it can also feed the fear.

    ⚡ The Blessing Part:

    • My smart watch helped me notice my heart rate patterns during panic
    • My BP monitor taught me that my pressure rises during stress — but also goes back down
    • My oximeter gave me peace during COVID waves when I needed to confirm I was okay
    • My apps helped me track patterns, especially for sugar, iron, and anxiety triggers
    • I’ve been able to show real data to my doctor instead of saying “I just don’t feel right”

    Without this tech, I’d feel blind sometimes.
    But with it? I feel seen. Measurable. Trackable. Explainable.

    Until… I spiral.

    😩 And Then Comes the Curse…

    • Checking my heart rate every 5 minutes because I “felt something”
    • Freaking out over a BP reading that was slightly high after crying
    • Obsessing over a pulse ox drop that was 97% instead of 99%
    • Constantly comparing today’s numbers to yesterday’s and trying to predict danger
    • Googling every result like it’s the end of the world

    Because anxiety doesn’t see data — it sees danger.

    And when smart tech becomes an obsession instead of a tool… it can ruin your peace.

    🧠 Smart Doesn’t Always Mean Safe (Mentally)

    There were days I couldn’t stop checking.
    I’d take my BP four times in an hour.
    Watch my HR on my wrist in real-time like it was a countdown to doom.
    I wasn’t being cautious — I was chasing control.

    And it stole more peace than it gave me.

    💜 What I’m Learning Now

    • Use the tools — but don’t live by them
    • One reading doesn’t mean crisis
    • My body can have spikes, drops, weird rhythms — and still be OK
    • My brain loves patterns, but not all patterns are meaningful
    • Sometimes the healthiest thing I can do… is take the watch off

    Smart tech isn’t the enemy.
    But for someone with anxiety, it has to be used mindfully, not obsessively.

    🖤 If You’re Here Too…

    If you’ve ever sat in silence watching your Fitbit like it holds your fate — I see you.
    If you’ve Googled a 95% oxygen reading like it was a death sentence — me too.
    If you’ve both thanked and hated your gadgets in the same day — you’re not alone.

    You’re not overreacting. You’re trying to feel safe.

    Just remember: You are not your numbers.
    And peace sometimes starts when we look less, not more.

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