Anxiety Momster

Surviving Anxiety One Breath, One Breakdown, One Blog at a Time”

Author: Shanice

  • My Smartwatch Fed My Anxiety More Than It Helped

    My Smartwatch Fed My Anxiety More Than It Helped

    My Truth About BP Monitors, Pulse Ox, and Data Overload

    Let me say this first:
    Smart tech is amazing.
    It gives us power, access, data, and awareness we never had before.
    But if you live with anxiety — especially health anxiety — it can also become a trap.

    I’ve worn the smartwatches.
    Used the pulse ox.
    Tracked my blood pressure at home.
    Monitored sleep, steps, stress levels, glucose spikes, and heart rate dips.

    And while all of that can be helpful… it can also feed the fear.

    ⚡ The Blessing Part:

    • My smart watch helped me notice my heart rate patterns during panic
    • My BP monitor taught me that my pressure rises during stress — but also goes back down
    • My oximeter gave me peace during COVID waves when I needed to confirm I was okay
    • My apps helped me track patterns, especially for sugar, iron, and anxiety triggers
    • I’ve been able to show real data to my doctor instead of saying “I just don’t feel right”

    Without this tech, I’d feel blind sometimes.
    But with it? I feel seen. Measurable. Trackable. Explainable.

    Until… I spiral.

    😩 And Then Comes the Curse…

    • Checking my heart rate every 5 minutes because I “felt something”
    • Freaking out over a BP reading that was slightly high after crying
    • Obsessing over a pulse ox drop that was 97% instead of 99%
    • Constantly comparing today’s numbers to yesterday’s and trying to predict danger
    • Googling every result like it’s the end of the world

    Because anxiety doesn’t see data — it sees danger.

    And when smart tech becomes an obsession instead of a tool… it can ruin your peace.

    🧠 Smart Doesn’t Always Mean Safe (Mentally)

    There were days I couldn’t stop checking.
    I’d take my BP four times in an hour.
    Watch my HR on my wrist in real-time like it was a countdown to doom.
    I wasn’t being cautious — I was chasing control.

    And it stole more peace than it gave me.

    💜 What I’m Learning Now

    • Use the tools — but don’t live by them
    • One reading doesn’t mean crisis
    • My body can have spikes, drops, weird rhythms — and still be OK
    • My brain loves patterns, but not all patterns are meaningful
    • Sometimes the healthiest thing I can do… is take the watch off

    Smart tech isn’t the enemy.
    But for someone with anxiety, it has to be used mindfully, not obsessively.

    🖤 If You’re Here Too…

    If you’ve ever sat in silence watching your Fitbit like it holds your fate — I see you.
    If you’ve Googled a 95% oxygen reading like it was a death sentence — me too.
    If you’ve both thanked and hated your gadgets in the same day — you’re not alone.

    You’re not overreacting. You’re trying to feel safe.

    Just remember: You are not your numbers.
    And peace sometimes starts when we look less, not more.

  • What Anxiety Has Stolen From Me — And What I’m Taking Back

    What Anxiety Has Stolen From Me — And What I’m Taking Back

    Trigger Warning: This post discusses anxiety, panic attacks, emotional overwhelm, and personal loss.
    Disclaimer: This post is based on personal experience and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice.

    🖤 The Truth?

    Anxiety has taken so much from me.

    I don’t say that for pity. I say it because it’s real. It’s honest. And if you’re reading this, maybe you feel it too.

    I’ve lost time — so much time — worrying about things that never happened.
    I’ve missed out on joy because I was too focused on what could go wrong.
    I’ve watched moments pass while I was stuck in my head, spiraling.
    I’ve spent nights awake, heart pounding, body buzzing, afraid of sleep itself.
    I’ve said no to plans I really wanted to say yes to — all because anxiety told me I wasn’t safe.

    😔 What It Stole from Me…

    • Sleep: Long nights of checking my pulse, Googling symptoms, trying to breathe through imaginary danger.
    • Peace: My mind never seemed to shut off. Even in silence, it was loud.
    • Confidence: I started questioning everything I felt. Every pain. Every twitch. Every emotion.
    • Moments with My Kids: I was there, but I wasn’t. I was trapped in a storm while smiling through it.
    • Joy: Even on good days, anxiety made me suspicious of the peace. Like I wasn’t allowed to feel okay for too long.

    It took my presence. It made me feel broken.
    It made me think I’d always be like this.

    💪 But Here’s What I’m Taking Back:

    I’m taking back my power.
    I’m reclaiming my voice.
    I’m choosing to track it, name it, and still live through it.

    No, I’m not magically cured.
    No, I don’t always feel brave.
    But I’ve learned to face it with softness and fight it with truth.

    I breathe when it tells me to panic.
    I speak out loud when it makes me feel crazy.
    I show up for myself, even if it’s messy and tired and trembling.

    And I’ve started to feel little pieces of myself come back.

    🌱 Reclaiming My Life Looks Like:

    • Writing these words. Sharing what I’ve lived.
    • Making tools for others who feel like I do.
    • Taking deep breaths that don’t feel forced.
    • Laughing with my kids and actually feeling it.
    • Saying, “I had a hard day,” without shame.
    • Letting joy in — and letting it stay a while.

    I might not be who I was before anxiety. But I’m building someone even stronger.

    Someone real. Someone healing.

    🖤 If You’ve Lost Yourself to Anxiety Too…

    I see you. I AM you.

    And I want you to know: it’s not too late to get pieces of you back.
    Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s one breath at a time.

    You’re not weak. You’re surviving a war no one else sees.

    And you are worth every moment of peace you’re trying to find.

  • Today Was a High Functioning Anxiety Day—But I Still Showed Up

    Today Was a High Functioning Anxiety Day—But I Still Showed Up

    ⚠️ Trigger Warning: This post discusses health anxiety, panic, and fear around daily tasks.
    📌 Disclaimer: This blog shares personal experiences and is not intended to replace professional medical advice.

    Today was a high functioning anxiety day.

    That means I still did things—I got out of bed, I worked from home, I showered—but it felt like dragging myself through quicksand the whole time.

    I woke up already in panic mode.
    My chest felt off.
    My thoughts were racing.
    And the first thing I did?
    Check my heart rate. Again. And again. And again.

    Scared to Shower, But I Didn’t Want to Be Alone

    Even something as “simple” as a shower felt scary today.
    What if I got lightheaded?
    What if I panicked with no one nearby?

    So I asked my husband to shower with me. Not to fix me, just to be there.
    And he was.

    That’s what surviving looks like sometimes.

    I Still Worked—But It Wasn’t Easy

    I work from home, and I logged in like always.
    But today? I took a lot of breaks.
    I had to step away to breathe, to cry, to calm myself down.

    Every ping, every message, every task felt heavier than usual.
    But I did it. Slowly. Anxiously.
    And that still counts.

    This is what a high functioning anxiety day looks like for me:
    Smiling on the outside.
    Fighting for calm on the inside.

    I’m Not Lazy. I’m Overwhelmed.

    Some people will never understand this kind of anxiety.
    But if you’re reading this, I know you do.

    You know what it’s like to be afraid of your own body.
    To second-guess every twinge, every tight breath, every heart flutter.
    To survive an entire day without anyone knowing you were in panic mode the whole time.

    If today was that kind of day for you too—this post is for you.

    You’re not dramatic.
    You’re not weak.
    You’re just doing your best with a brain that never shuts up.

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