I’M STILL HERE
The Story of Vive
For the Ones Who Understand
For the ones who have sat on bathroom floors trying to breathe. For the ones who have gone to hospitals embarrassed, wondering if everyone could tell how scared they were.
For the ones who have heard, “It’s just anxiety,” and still wondered, But what if they’re wrong?
For the ones who canceled plans, missed work, stayed home, cried, prayed, Googled, checked, rechecked, and whispered, “Please let me be okay.”
This story is for you.
Something Is Wrong With Me
Vive woke up already afraid.
Not because something had happened.
Because something might.
She lay still, staring at the ceiling, waiting for her body to tell her what was wrong.
Her heart felt loud.
Too loud.
She put two fingers against her neck.
“Come on. Slow down.”
It didn’t.
Her stomach dropped.
“Something is wrong with me.”
Marcus Wakes Up
Marcus rolled over and opened one eye.
“You okay?”
Vive didn’t answer.
She was staring at her phone.
“Vive.”
“I don’t know.”
Marcus sat up.
“What’s wrong?”
She looked at him.
“My heart.”
“Your heart?”
She nodded.
“It’s beating weird.”
“You’ve been checking it all morning.”
Vive looked away.
“Because something could be wrong.”
“I’m Not Fine.”
“You need to stop checking your blood pressure.”
Vive looked at Marcus like he had just insulted her.
“Why?”
“Because every time you check it, you get more scared.”
“That’s because it keeps being weird.”
Marcus sighed.
“You’re fine.”
Vive’s eyes filled with tears.
“I’m not fine.”
“Vive—”
“I’m scared.”
The Search
She told herself she would only search one thing.
One.
Five minutes later, she had twelve tabs open.
Her eyes moved across the screen.
Headache.
Dizziness.
Chest pressure.
Tingling.
Her stomach tightened.
“Oh my God.”
She closed the phone.
Then opened it again.
The ER Knows My Name
The waiting room felt familiar.
Too familiar.
Vive sat with her hands folded tightly in her lap.
She hated being there.
She hated needing to be there.
And most of all, she hated the thought that someone might recognize her.
“Ms. Williams?”
Vive looked up.
She almost laughed.
“Again?”
The nurse smiled gently.
“Let’s get you checked out.”
“This Time Is Different.”
Vive had said it before.
She knew she had.
But that didn’t make this time feel any less real.
“This time is different.”
Marcus looked at her.
“You said that last time.”
Vive’s face tightened.
“I know.”
“And the time before that.”
“I know.”
She swallowed hard.
“But what if this time I’m right?”
The Doctor
The doctor walked in with the calm expression Vive had learned to hate.
“Your tests look good.”
Vive stared at him.
“Good?”
“Yes.”
He explained the results.
Vive listened.
She wanted to believe him.
She really did.
“I think anxiety is playing a big role here.”
There it was.
But What If You’re Wrong?
Vive sat in the passenger seat on the way home.
She stared out the window.
“What if they’re wrong?”
Marcus kept his eyes on the road.
“They checked you.”
“I know.”
“They checked everything.”
Vive looked down.
“But what if they missed something?”
Marcus didn’t answer.
Because he knew this conversation had no ending.
My Brain Won’t Shut The Hell Up
Vive was exhausted.
But her brain wasn’t.
It replayed every sensation.
Every headache.
Every skipped beat.
Every weird feeling.
Every story she had ever read online.
“Stop.”
Her brain kept going.
“Please stop.”
It didn’t.
“I said STOP!”
Tasha Doesn’t Get It
“You just need to stop thinking about it.”
Vive stared at Tasha.
“You think I haven’t tried?”
“I’m just saying—”
“No. You’re not hearing me.”
Tasha went quiet.
“I’m scared all the time.”
Vive’s voice cracked.
“And when somebody tells me to calm down, it doesn’t make me calm down.”
Tasha looked down.
For once, she didn’t have an answer.
I Stopped Going Places
At first, she canceled one thing.
Then another.
Then she started finding reasons.
Too tired.
Too busy.
Didn’t feel good.
The truth was simpler.
She was afraid.
Afraid of having a panic attack somewhere she couldn’t escape.
Afraid of embarrassing herself.
Afraid that if something happened, nobody would know what to do.
“You Never Come Anymore.”
Tasha stood at the door.
“You never come anymore.”
Vive crossed her arms.
“I know.”
“We miss you.”
Vive looked away.
“I miss me too.”
That sentence hurt more than either of them expected.
Anxiety Came to Work
Vive tried to work through it.
She really did.
She answered emails while her heart raced.
She worked through headaches.
She went to the bathroom to cry and came back pretending nothing happened.
But eventually, pretending became harder than the anxiety.
Her numbers dropped.
Her concentration disappeared.
And the meetings started.
The Meeting
“We need to talk about your performance.”
Vive sat perfectly still.
“Okay.”
Her hands were shaking underneath the table.
She wanted to explain everything.
The panic.
The sleepless nights.
The constant fear.
Instead, she nodded.
“I understand.”
“I Lost My Job.”
Vive sat in the car after the meeting.
She stared at the steering wheel.
She couldn’t move.
Then her phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby. You okay?”
Vive opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
Then she whispered:
“I lost my job.”
The Fight
“You think I wanted this?”
Marcus stood across the room.
“That’s not what I said.”
“Then what ARE you saying?”
Her voice was loud.
Her face was wet.
“I’m trying!”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t!”
Silence filled the room.
Vive immediately regretted it.
God, I’m Mad at You.
That night, Vive sat alone.
She didn’t know how to pray anymore.
“God, I’m mad at You.”
She waited.
Nothing.
Her eyes filled with tears.
“I’m tired.”
“I’m scared.”
“And I don’t understand why You keep letting me feel like this.”
She cried until there was nothing left to say.
The People Who Stayed
Not everyone left.
Some people stayed.
They didn’t always understand.
They didn’t always know what to say.
But they stayed.
Marcus sat beside her during the bad nights.
Tasha started asking instead of assuming.
And Vive slowly realized something.
She didn’t need everyone to understand.
She needed a few people who were willing to stay.
I Thought I Was Getting Better
One morning, Vive woke up and realized she hadn’t checked her heart.
She smiled.
It was tiny.
But it was real.
She went outside.
She drove farther than she had in weeks.
She laughed.
For a moment, she felt like herself.
She thought maybe she was finally getting better.
The Setback
Then it happened.
Another panic attack.
Another night of checking.
Another trip down the rabbit hole.
Vive sat on the bathroom floor and cried.
“I thought I was past this.”
Marcus sat beside her.
“Maybe you’re not past it.”
She looked at him.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Get through tonight.”
Don’t Tell Me I’m Fine
Vive wiped her face.
“Don’t tell me I’m fine.”
Marcus nodded.
“Okay.”
“Don’t tell me there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Okay.”
“Just sit with me.”
So he did.
No fixing.
No arguing.
Just sitting.
I’m Still Here
Vive didn’t wake up one day magically healed.
She still had bad days.
She still got scared.
She still had moments where her mind convinced her something terrible was happening.
But something had changed.
She stopped measuring progress by whether anxiety showed up.
She started measuring it by what she did when it did.
And tonight, she was still here.
Maybe I’m Not Broken. 💜
Vive sat quietly.
She thought about everything anxiety had taken.
Time.
Sleep.
Work.
Relationships.
Confidence.
But then she thought about everything she had learned.
She wasn’t weak.
She wasn’t crazy.
She wasn’t broken.
She was still becoming herself again.
Still Here.
And that’s something.
I Want To Hear From You 💜
Vive’s story may be fictional, but the feelings are real for so many people. Tell me what part of her story connected with you.
Your answers have been sent to Anxiety Momster™.
And if this story felt a little too familiar… just know you’re not the only one. 💜
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