Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Health Anxiety, Raw Emotion
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am just a woman trying to survive the war in my head. Please don’t take this as medical advice—this is my truth, my experience, and maybe yours too.
Right now… as I write this… I am in it.
Not recovering from it. Not reflecting back on it.
IN IT.
My head feels like pressure is building—like something inside is about to snap. I felt a “pop” earlier, not painful, but terrifying. It felt like a gunshot went off near me, except it was inside my head. And now I’m spiraling.
My neck hurts. My shoulder aches. My arm feels weird. My chest feels… funny—not tight, not painful—just off. And my anxiety is feeding off every single symptom like it’s a buffet.
And the scariest part?
My mind doesn’t believe I’m okay.
Even though I’ve had tests. Even though I’ve been told everything looks fine. Even though I’ve been here before and came out okay.
My brain doesn’t trust it.
People say “it’s just anxiety,” but they don’t understand how dismissive that sounds when your entire body is screaming that something is wrong.
It’s not just anxiety. It’s:
- My chest tingling and me wondering if I’m dying.
- My head feeling like there’s a rubber band wrapped around the front.
- My back hurting from how I’ve been laying with my laptop, and me thinking it’s something worse.
- Me sitting here, literally begging God to let me be okay.
I tried laying down—didn’t help.
Tried rubbing Vicks under my nose—gave me a second of relief before the fear came back stronger.
Tried breathing, drinking water, moving around, telling myself it’s just panic… but none of that stuck.
I want to cry. I want to run. I want to scream and crawl out of my skin.
But mostly, I just want it to be over.
I’m so tired of living like this.
So tired of wondering if every pain is the one they missed.
So tired of feeling like I’m walking a tightrope between calm and chaos.
Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own body, and anxiety is the warden.
No escape. No peace. Just me, the thoughts, and this endless cycle of fear.
But if you’re reading this…
You’re not alone.
This post isn’t about “how I conquered it” or “5 ways to stop a panic attack.”
It’s just the truth. The moment. The reality of what this feels like right now.
I know I’ll get through it. I always do.
But right now, in this moment… I just needed to say:
It’s happening. I’m scared. And I’m still here.
And if you’re still here too, scared in your own way, I see you.
Let’s breathe—one shaky inhale, one tearful exhale—until it passes.
We’re not broken. We’re not crazy.
We’re just surviving something invisible.
And that’s brave as hell.
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